


Gere Curam Mei Finis

by blue_pointer



Series: A Glorious Retelling [16]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Don't copy to another site, Drama queens, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: c01e044 The Sunken Tomb, Episode: c01e045 Those Who Walk Away, Fear of Death, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Vax, Post-Episode: c01e044 The Sunken Tomb, Temper Tantrums, Vaxmore, dragonfire, emotional Vax'ildan, take that you raven bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26961010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: Vex'ahlia is back from the dead, and Vax should be happy. But not knowing how long he has to live is making it harder than usual for Vax to care about anything. Did someone try to kill Gilmore while they were away? This day could not get any worse.
Relationships: Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan, Vax'ildan & Vex'ahlia (Critical Role)
Series: A Glorious Retelling [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975831
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	Gere Curam Mei Finis

**Guide Me to My Final Rest**

“How am I _not_ dead, if I died?” Vex’ahlia asked in that demanding way of hers that reminded Vax of their father.

“Good question,” Grog said, turning to him. “Vax, how are _you_ feeling?”

 _How am I feeling? How am I_ **_feeling_** _?_ There was no time for this. Vex’ahlia had been dead just moments ago. Who knew how long Vax had? He was so shaken, so furious, so hurt, so terrified, and he felt so hopeless, Vax couldn’t be around any of them right now. And it wasn’t like he could pull his sister aside what with everyone clustered around her. Vax walked away without a word, back into the dank corridor. He curled up in a niche of the collapsed stairwell, making his body as small as he possibly could. Arms wrapped around his knees, he put his forehead against them and struggled to breathe. 

Vax was going to die. He was going to die, and Keyleth had been inseparable from Kashaw since they’d arrived in Vasselheim, so it did not matter. Vax was going to die, and no one would even miss him. 

Well. There was one person he could think of who might... “Gilmore?” His voice was so soft in the damp tunnel, even Vax could hardly hear it. With all of these feelings rushing up, he needed to say something before it was too late. Vax reached into his pocket and pulled out the parchment they’d used to speak just yesterday. Gilmore’s last message was still inscribed there: 

_My heart. Go forth and shine, my moon._

There was a trembling feeling in the back of his throat. Terror? No, it tasted more sad, something akin to despair. Vax stared at the words until his vision blurred. Well, he’d done his best to shine, and now he would disappear. “Gilmore,” he whispered. But the letters did not dissolve into new words, no matter how hard he wished it. “I don’t know if you can hear me,” Vax said. “I think I’m in a lot of trouble. I don’t know how long--” His throat closed up, and Vax had to try again. “I just wanted you to know what an honor it was knowing you. You gave me more than anyone I’ve ever known. And I did not deserve you.” Still, there was no answer. Vax curled into a ball and wept. 

*

Utterly numb, their ascent from the sunken tomb went by Vax like a blur. Somehow, they all made it back to Whitestone. He snapped out of his depressive haze just long enough to bid Percy a violent good night. Then Vax flew up the castle stairs, full stealth, intending to go...somewhere to be alone. 

_Wait._

The door to Pike’s room was ajar. Gilmore had not answered him this morning, and Vax had no emotional energy left to risk a second rejection. But if the door was ajar, he could just stealth by and peer in to reassure himself Gilmore was fine and not dead--too many people he loved seemed to want to die lately, so it felt relevant to check. And then maybe he would wave to Pike, if he was feeling up to it. 

But when Vax glanced into the room and saw Gilmore laid out across the blood-smeared floor, Vax’s worst fears were realized. “Gilmore!” Vax ran to him, his boots skidding through the blood painted in a circle around the mage’s body. What dark magic was this? Did it have anything to do with the Ziggurat in the caverns below the castle? Had the Briarwoods somehow survived their defeat? Gulping in air, Vax began to truly panic. 

And yet, when he rolled Gilmore onto his back to check for breath, the mage groaned. Vax wrapped his arms around Gilmore’s shoulders and pillowed him in his lap, looking down into his face as Gilmore’s eyes fluttered open. 

“You’re here.” There was a heartbreaking sweetness in his smile as Gilmore reached up to touch Vax’s cheek. Vax clenched his teeth and told himself he was not going to cry again today. “You came back to me.” 

Gilmore had no idea just how close it had been. But before Vax could say so, the mage’s expression went slack, his eyes sliding shut, and his hand dropping. Vax scooped him up and carried him over to the bed, easing him gently down onto the mattress.

Where the fuck was Pike? How long had Gilmore been lying on the floor like that? And what did those blood runes mean? Well he’d be damned if he was going to ask any of the others for help right now. Vax was still feeling too angry and raw. The only person he really cared to be around right now, someone who wouldn’t judge him, make excuses, or try explaining away what had happened, the one person who’d consistently proven he would love and support Vax unconditionally was right here. 

“Gilmore.” As Vax brushed back his hair, he noticed it was different, not twisted or braided as it usually was. Now it was shorter, unbound in tight curls that fanned out around his face like a dark mane. “Gilmore?” Vax touched it, gingerly sliding it through his fingers. 

“Vax’ildan!” With a sharp intake of breath, Gilmore came to a second time, opening his eyes, looking panicked. 

“I’m here,” Vax said, moving into his field of vision and raising Gilmore’s hand to his cheek. “I’m here, old man. Relax.” Gilmore slid his arms around Vax, drawing him against the edge of the mattress, almost pulling him into bed. “You’re bleeding a lot,” Vax felt the need to point out. “I should go get Pike.” Or Kashaw. On second thought, No. If Brother Kash ever even met Gilmore, it would all be over. It would have to be Pike. 

“Pike is gone,” Gilmore said. “You do it.” 

“Gone? What do you mean gone?” 

“Back tomorrow,” Gilmore grunted, trying to look down at his bloodied bandages. “I’ll be alright until then.”

Vax somehow doubted that. “Gilmore…” He didn’t know if tone could truly convey his feelings for the man right now. Vax briefly considered using an endearment, but no. He didn’t think he was ready for that yet. 

“Please, dearest.” Gilmore touched Vax’s arm to prevent him trying to leave. “Help me with these, and I’ll be fine. Having you here with me is all the healing I need.” 

How could Vax possibly say no to that? He thought of the riot act Vex’ahlia had read him two days ago and reached to remove Gilmore’s bloody bandages. Strangely, though the wound beneath had reopened, there was not much blood now. Vax cleaned it with some water and used the fresh linen Pike had left behind to bind the wound again. “Well, either it’s not as bad as it looks, or you ran out of blood,” he told Gilmore, trying to make light of a situation he was emotionally unequipt to deal with. 

“It’s much better than it was,” Gilmore assured him. “Thank you. You didn’t have to come to me, but you did.” Gilmore’s fingers idly stroked his wrist until Vax looked up at him. 

“I called you this morning,” Vax said, gently accusing. “Is this why you didn’t answer?” 

Gilmore closed his eyes, either guilty or tired, or maybe both. “Most likely.” 

“Why?” What was so important that Gilmore would nearly kill himself while he was still in recovery? “What happened?” 

Gilmore reached up to ghost his palm over Vax’s hair. “Nothing you need worry about just yet, my love.” 

“Fine, then don’t tell me.” Maybe Vax was too emotionally raw to keep any company just now. Maybe coming here had been a mistake. Before he could storm off in a huff, Gilmore caught him by the wrist and pulled him back, his grip like iron. 

“Ask me your question,” he said. “And I will answer.” Something about the way he said it reminded Vax of the sphinx who lived beneath the Slayer’s Take. 

He shrugged expressively, frustrated. “I don’t know, how about what the fuck were you doing on the floor lying in a pool of your own blood--again?” He couldn’t take going through this again so soon. Vax felt like he might shatter.

Gilmore licked his lips before answering, which made Vax suspect he was going to lie. “It was within my power...to prevent a tragedy. And so I did.”

“A tragedy? What tragedy? Does this have something to do with Pike being away?” 

Gilmore closed his eyes, pausing for a moment before answering. “Yes but no.” 

“Riddles.” Vax was beyond frustrated. His fuse was always short, but right now it was nonexistent. “Look, if this is a game to you, then--” he started to pull away again, but Gilmore caught him, yanking Vax down into bed in one powerful movement. Vax looked up in surprise, not just at the abruptness and the strength, but because Gilmore looked angry. He’d never seen Gilmore angry before. It was kind of...hot. And a little terrifying. 

“Do you have any idea how precious you are to me?” he asked, and Vax felt caught like a deer in Gilmore’s sights. 

“Why are you angry?” he asked. 

“I’m not angry.” Gilmore exhaled a single breath full of unspoken emotion. Then he placed a hand on either side of Vax’s face and drew him in for a forceful kiss. When Gilmore finally let Vax go, it was only so that he could pull him into a crushing hug. “I’m grateful. I’m so relieved you’re alright.” 

Vax went stiff in his arms. “Wh--you knew? You know what happened?” 

“Shhhhhh.” Gilmore stroked his hair and rubbed Vax’s shoulder, soothing. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters.” 

Vax had no fucking clue how Gilmore could possibly know what had taken place in a desecrated tomb another continent away. But it didn’t really matter. Nothing mattered anymore. “You deserve to know…” Vax swallowed with some difficulty. “I’m going to die. Because of what happened. Probably soon.”

“You’re not,” Gilmore said gently.

“Don’t fucking patronize me!” Vax shoved Gilmore away and sat up. “I don’t have much time, and I need you to take me seriously for once!” So many emotions, it was getting hard to breathe. 

“Is that what you want?” Gilmore asked with a sad smile. “A target for your rage?”

“You’re not listening to me!” Vax sucked in a painful breath. “I...I traded my life for my sister’s, and it’s going to come due soon. I can feel it.” 

Gilmore’s expression went neutral and he held his hands out to Vax. Vax just looked at them, sullen, before reluctantly placing one hand in Gilmore’s. “Darling boy,” he said, folding Vax’s hand in both of his. “To whom did you trade your life?” 

Vax slouched a little, feeling defeated, unable to look at Gilmore. “...Raven Queen.” 

“My darling.” Gilmore tilted his head, trying to catch Vax’ildan’s gaze. “Look at me.” When Vax did, he smiled sympathetically. “Her domain is Life-in-Death, not death.”

Vax sat up a little straighter. ‘“What does that mean?” 

“It means you have time.”

“But how?” Vax was afraid to believe it. “How do you know?” 

Gilmore shook his head slightly. “I just know.” Vax wanted to believe him, but hope was more cruel than despair. Gilmore must have seen it in his face. “Do you trust me?” he asked. After a moment, Vax nodded. “Then believe me when I say, you have far more time than you think.”

Vax lay down next to him again, hiding his face in Gilmore’s shoulder, temporarily mollified. When Gilmore’s arms wrapped around him this time, Vax allowed himself to be embraced, some of the tension leaving him. He closed his eyes, just letting Gilmore love him. 

  
  


Vax must have fallen asleep. He dreamed that a raven the size of a cat had perched on Gilmore’s windowsill and was watching them lie in bed together. Gilmore turned his head to meet its judgmental gaze and a plume of gold flame flared across the room, lighting it up like daylight, and burning the raven to ash. 

When Vax woke up, it was dark, and Gilmore was fast asleep. Vax gave him a kiss on the cheek and slid out of bed. Out of curiosity, he wandered over to the windowsill. The stone was singed, and an unpleasant odor lingered in the air. Shaking his head at the coincidence, Vax stealthed from the room so as not to wake Gilmore. He needed to check on Vex’ahlia. Hopefully he would not find _her_ lying in a circle of bloody runes as well.


End file.
